The Head and The Heart

Things in life dont always turn out the way we expect them to, do they? Since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamt of being a mommy but it hasnt happened for me yet. Most of that is because I havent found my Mr. Right. There are times when I am hopeful but there are also other times when I’m not sure it will ever happen for me! This past Friday on my day off, I found myself channel surfing and I came across the Dr. Oz show which I normally don’t tune in to watch! Friday’s topic was titled “How old is too old to have a baby?” Needless to say, I was sucked totally in. They had panelists on both sides of the issue. It was interesting to listen to their conversation and see where I found myself. It’s a question that I know many are asking! I know that for some it’s about having a biological child so they try everything they can to have that child; IVF, IUI, etc! I also know families who have been blessed by adoption and foster care! Several friends grew up with foster siblings in their homes. A couple of weeks ago a dear friend texted me because she immediately thought of me when she went to a foster care meeting at their church. There is a huge need for foster parents etc. Now I’m not saying this is something I am ready to jump in and do, but it is a conversation that has been re-playing in my heart and mind.

This weekend I spent some time with some dear seminary friends. Friday night I babysat for both couples so they could go out and have an adult conversation/meal without the kids. It was such a blast being with those kids! Love them to pieces…they are so darn cute!!! Saturday morning all of us girls took some girl time. As we were walking through the store, I mentioned to one of them what the other friend had said to me about me doing foster care etc. Again Im not saying that it’s something Im ready to jump into but it is something that I totally find myself praying about. Where is God leading me? It’s so difficult when your head and your heart are trying to sort it all out. My head is asking all the logistical questions and trying to decide what is the best path for me while my heart is so ready to love (but that’s scary too). There also are so many fears and doubts playing into this conversation as well. So for now, my friends, all I can do is pray, pray, pray, pray!!!

(Hopefully this post makes sense! It’s been rattling around in my head for a little while now but I haven’t been able to write it down until now!)

Why???????

Something really struck me tonight…As I was perusing my Facebook page, I found yet another friend who is engaged and got engaged in the last week or so. Now dont get me wrong, I am so 100 percent happy for them! However I still find myself yearning, wondering, and yearning some more to find my Mr. Right. Two of these friends found their spouses at seminary, I find myself asking the question “Why didnt it happen for me there?” I know that is a silly question to ask but its honest! I know that I am not the only one who wonders and yearns for this type of relationship either. I am thankful that my good friend L still is single! But why isn’t it happening for me? I know and trust in God. However at the age of 33, my biological clock continues to tick. I love spending time with children and hope to have mine someday but what if that doesn’t happen for me? I have so many friends who tell me that they are praying for someone to come into my life to bless me and I trust in their prayers and God’s promises. Yet it’s still so easy to yearn for what so many of my friends have; to yearn for that one thing that I deeply desire more than anything in the world. So today I am choosing to continue to trust, to continue to believe that it will happen at some point at point, to continue to be a blessing to others and in return hopefully to be blessed by someone else and eventually find the man God has in store for me!

And so I am going to leave you with the blessings in my life from the last several days:
+ Waking up to a little one saying “Mom, the ding ding woke me up.” I seriously was laying in my bed in the other room laughing and with a smile on my face
+ Spending time with wonderful colleagues in ministry
+ Having a member of the church leave me a beautiful message on FB
+ Playing the card game “Unpredictable”
+ A Child’s laugh
+ The return of fall and all my fave shows

What are you thankful for today?

Valentine’s Day AKA Single Awareness Day

Happy Valentine’s Day…..or for some, Happy Single Awareness Day!

I’ll admit this hasn’t always been my favorite holiday. As a single woman, I find myself reflecting on what I dont have rather than what I do have. But the reality is that I think we need to spend time reflecting on the things we do have. There are so many in my life; family, friends, etc who show me love and shower me with that love each and every day. However that still isnt an easy thing to do when you yearn for something….yearn for a family, husband, children etc. Yet the reality is that I am blessed by wonderful friendships and family. Thank you! (And it will happen for me someday…I will find those things that I yearn for….Ill just have to be patient!)

Today I was reminded of this love when a dear friend from the church I work at surprised me with chocolate and flowers. She was like, “I couldnt think of anyone who deserved chocolate and flowers more than you do.” She totally made my day! Thanks for putting a smile on my face dear friend!

My Happily Ever After….

I was sitting at home tonight watching the movie “Never Been Kissed.” There is just something about this movie that always gets me. Maybe because in some ways, I see myself as Josie Gellar! I love the end of the movie. It seems like it isnt going to end happily and then he shows up. I wonder when my moment like that will happen but I also dont want to dwell on that moment. Im trying to find other ways to meet new people. I finally will be able to go to this writer’s group I found at the local library on Thursday evening. Im excited about that because maybe Ill meet someone special there but I also am not getting my hopes up! God will let it happen when it’s suppose to happen. I started reading this book called “Captiviting.” It is fantastic and really is making me look deep inside my heart at who I am etc. I know that in time my happily ever after will come!