Tag Archives: school shooting

Remembering Sandy Hook

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“Christ be our light, shine in our hearts, shine through the darkness”

It is almost hard to believe that two years ago today we all learned of the name of the school Sandy Hook Elementary, Adam Lanza and Newton, Connecticut. My heart still aches for all of those who lost children that day. And for those families, I am sure it feels like just yesterday and not two years ago. In the days following Sandy Hook, I blogged several blog posts. One of my most read posts was this post: I Am A Daughter.

But there also was this one that I wrote on the day following the Sandy Hook shooting. This post was originally posted on this blog on December 15, 2012. The title of the blog is “Why Won’t the Tears Fall?” These words still capture so well how I feel some days when I look at the world around me. There are so many days when the tears just won’t fall because I have become…in some ways…numb to what is happening in the world around me.

Here is the post I posted on December 15,2012: This afternoon I had the privilege of hanging out at church while the SS kids practiced for the SS Christmas program! As they sang the words “Peace to all the Earth,” I wanted to cry as I thought of the families in CT who won’t hear their babies voices again! Such a senseless act! I want to cry yet the tears simply won’t come! Why?!? Why won’t the tears fall from my face? Is it because I’ve cried too many tears over violent acts like this in my thirty years on this Earth? Is it because I’m numb and cannot understand why 20 innocent lives were taken way too soon from this Earth?

Yesterday and today I found myself thinking about and remembering all my friends who are parents! I can understand why you needed to hug and hold them last night and today! I found myself telling them to give their children an extra hug or cuddle just for me! I’m not a parent myself yet I yearn to be so deeply! And then I wonder do I really want to be? Of course I do! But what world will my future child enter into? A world strewn with sinful people…a sinful world! Yet what I do know is that love….God’s love…always wins!

I understand that is hard to grasp in light of yesterday’s events! But what I do know and believe with every fiber of my being is that God was there yesterday! God didn’t allow the events to unfold but as they unfolded God was there…holding and embracing each precious victim. God sent Jesus into the world and Jesus proclaims “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these!”

As I write this blog post, I find myself typing as my fingers dance across the keyboard yet I still find that these words are inadequate! Why can I not find the words? Why won’t the tears fall? How do we know that God’s love always wins?

God sent God’s Son as this precious gift who is born in a manger in Bethlehem and then later dies the ultimate death for us and our sins! This child comes as the light in the midst of the darkness and now more than ever we need this light to come!

So even when my words are inadequate I find myself turning to Scripture and letting the sighs rise up to God. “With sighs too deep for words to express….”

Or in these words, “Lord listen to your children praying, bring us love, bring us power, bring us peace!”

And finally, maybe, the tears I so deeply want to cry will fall from my face knowing we live in a sinful and sin-filled world but that God in God’s love for us all ALWAYS wins!! Perhaps that is a place for us to begin and cling to in the coming days!

Shortly after I wrote this post, the tears finally began to fall. And tonight, two years later, I still find myself clinging to these words knowing that Jesus Emmanuel is always with us. Emmanuel reminds us that he is the one who comes as the light in the midst of the darkness. He is the one who ultimately will bring about his peace. “God’s peace to us we pray.”

“Christ be our light, shine in our hearts, shine through the darkness.”
“Christ be our light, shine in our hearts, shine through the darkness.”

(In addition to this post and the link I posted earlier in this post, I also wrote one other post related to the Sandy Hook shooting. This post was written the day of the Sandy Hook shooting: With Sighs Too Deep)

A Broken Heart

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“For I am sure that neither death nor life…nor anything else…will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus”

I read these words and I know that they are true. Yet at times like this when we hear of another school shooting, I find myself having a hard time trusting in them. Why do some feel the need to resort to violence and death? During times like this, people often ask where was God? I believe God was in the school with those children. However I know that that is not easy to trust in.

Yesterday as I heard the news of another school shooting, my heart was breaking…and still is breaking. And I am also a little angry. I am angry that our kids cannot go to school and be safe. I am angry that so many are so overcome by darkness that they cannot help but make bad choices. (And yet I am also thankful for those that have gotten and continue to receive the treatment they need!) I am angry that there is such a stigma that so many don’t understand the illness. I am angry yet my anger is overcome by the tears streaming down my face; tears for what my mom has taught me about showing love, tears for all the lives lost in school shootings, tears for the conversations that need to take place in a scared scarred world.

I want our world to be a better place. Once I find my Mr. Right and I have a family, I don’t want to have to worry about sending my children to school. I want more hope and not fear. I want there to be more love and not so much hate. A friend of mine posted several questions on her FB feed a year again after another school shooting and I cannot shake them. Her questions are in no way rhetorical. They need to be answered. And I find myself clinging to those questions again today. She writes, “We have too many hurting youth, too many kids who don’t have hope, too many kids who don’t feel loved. What are we going to do about this as the people of God? How are we going to speak light into this darkness and hope into despair? How will we show love to all people today?”

Yes, my dear readers and friends, how are we going to show light in the midst of this darkness and hope in the midst of this despair? How are we going to show love to God’s people today? In the midst of the darkness, I cling to this precious one who was born in a manger in Bethlehem; the one who comes as the light in the midst of darkness, the hope in the midst of despair, and so much more. How do we help show that kind of love to those who are hurting, to those who don’t know love?

I am reminded of my dear mother who has lived most of my life with a mental illness, yet she is one of the most faith-filled women I know. I swear she would give the shirt off her back. She simply loves unconditionally. She has been an amazing model of God’s love for me and I am so grateful and thankful for that. But I find myself wondering where are those examples for those youth who are hurting and don’t feel loved? How do we show them that they are loved? How do we show them that there is hope in the world? I don’t know the answers, yet I want the answers! And I want those answers sooner rather than later. I want the answer not to be violence. I want the answer to be kindness and love and grace. I want….

Today I am praying for this one in Marysville who thought their only answer was violence. Today I am praying for Eric and Dylan who walked into Columbine. Today I am praying for all those who lost a child almost two years ago at Sandy Hook. Today I am praying for Adam who felt his only answer was to walk into that school two years ago. Today I am praying for all those youth who don’t feel loved and who are hurting. Today I am praying that we will be able to answer these questions that my friend posted. Today my prayer is simply…come, Holy Spirit, come…help us to show them light and love and hope!

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Disclaimer: All religious views expressed on this blog are my own
views and are not necessarily the views of my church as a whole.

Media and Mental Illness

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I grew up watching the soap opera The Young and the Restless. It was one of Mom’s favorites. A couple of years ago, the writers of the show surprised me when they diagnosed one of their main characters Sharon Newman with Bipolar disorder. I was thankful and proud of them for taking on this illness, but I was afraid that the storyline would continue and they would never mention Sharon’s illness again. However much to my surprise, that has not been the case. Even today, they bring up her diagnosis. It is a small step, but I think it is a step in the right direction; a step to continue to educate others about mental illnesses.

I also was quite impressed with the movie “Silver Linings Playbook” which stars Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence released in 2012. I had seen the previews but didn’t know a ton about the storyline. That day as my sister and I sat in the movie theatre, we found ourselves fully pulled into the storyline. In fact, the movie was so powerful that I ended up downloading the book onto my Kindle the minute I finished the book I was currently reading. The book, of course, was better than the movie which usually is the case. But the movie didn’t stray too far from the manuscript of the book. I even bought a copy of the DVD when the movie was released. So if you haven’t seen the movie, I would recommend you see it. Or if you are a reader, definitely read the book too! I think it will help you understand and educate you about mental health issues.

Media has a way of using mental health in a negative light. It seems that anytime there is something bad like a school shooting, media jumps to the conclusion that the person has a mental health issue. I am not arguing that that may not be the case, but if that is true, they need to get help. Mental illnesses are treatable. I think of an article I once read about Adam Lanza after the Sandy Hook shooting. The article was titled (if I am remembering correctly) ” I am Adam Lanza’s Sister.” I may not be Adam Lanza’s sister but I could be. In fact, many individuals out there are. They are someone’s wife, daughter, mother, sister, and the list goes on. In fact, I am a daughter….a daughter of someone who daily lives and struggles with a mental illness. Yet Mom has never let her illness get in the way of who she is.

Earlier this morning, I read a tweet that one of my seminary classmates and friends retweeted from Soren Kierkegaard. The quote is such a beautiful quote and I think it is so true. I think we need to take the time to show love to each other; to show love to those who have been pulled in by the darkness. Love, especially God’s love, has the power to overcome even the darkness of a mental illness. In fact, I hope that the media will follow examples like Y and R and Silver Linings Playbook or even Robin William’s death to remind us how these individuals are not defined by their illnesses, but rather defined by who God created them to be.

“When you fully enter the realm of love, this broken world becomes rich and beautiful, and consists solely of opportunities for love.”–Soren Kierkegaard

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I Am A Daughter (Part Three)

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My heart aches! The news headlines are reporting yet another school shooting. This time in the Portland, Oregon area. When will this stop? Why can’t we seem to get a hold of this? There are just too many school shootings happening in the United States. We need to do something about this. From what I have read so far today in the news, we do not know the name of this killer but we do know the name of the young man who walked into the school in Connecticut last December. His name was Adam Lanza.

As the news of the school shootings surfaced in December of 2012, mental health was a key issue that kept resurfacing. And if you read my blog post that December, you know that I truly believe this is a place for us to start. We are more comfortable talking about guns and gun control than we are talking about mental health issues. I am a daughter of someone who daily lives with and struggles with mental illness. She is one of the most grace-filled and faith-filled women that I know. Yet I know that mental illness has not been easy for her or for our family. In fact, It took me a really, really long time to share about the illness because I saw how others treated her because of the stigma associated with the illness.

The reality is that there is help out there. With the right medications and care, normal lives can be lived. I think we need to do a much better job of educating about mental health issues. I believe that if we educate more fully, perhaps the number of school shootings will be minimized. I can’t say that for sure but what I do know is we need to start somewhere…and mental health seems like a good place to start.

I would be a totally different individual if I hadn’t experienced what I have experienced with my family members who daily struggle with mental illness. And the truth is that I love them both and they have taught me so much about life and living even when I know that has been easier said than done for them. Yes, our journeys with mental illness have not been easy. In fact, there have been times when I have wanted to curse God (and probably did) for them! Why us? Why our family? Yet I wouldn’t give up this journey for anything! Through it all I have learned what it means in Psalm 30 “Weeping may come for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

And with that said, I also think it is important for us to pray and lift these up to God so let us pray:

“God, we don’t understand what happened in Oregon this morning. We ask you to be with the family of the student who was killed. We also ask you to be with the shooter. We don’t know why he did what he did but we know that he needs to feel your love and forgiveness. Comfort all those who are filled with fear now at sending their children to school. Guide us as we educate and bring awareness to mental health in our world. God, most of all we ask you to bring your peace into the world. Amen!



(You can read part one; http://prayingontheprairie.net/i-am-daughter/ and part two here; http://prayingontheprairie.net/i-am-daughter-part-two/)

Come, Holy Spirit, Come!

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It was a great day today. I started the morning with a friend. We had some great coffee, then we went and did some shopping in these cute little shops downtown. And then we went to her house, had lunch, and made some Christmas cookies. We tried a new recipe and the cookies were awesome. She dropped me off and I signed onto my computer to check FB and do some other things. My homepage opened to MSN where I saw the news headlines that there was another school shooting today. It took my breathe away. This on the eve of the anniversary of the school shooting at Sandy Hook. And all of a sudden my great day didn’t seem so important.

My heart is so sad! I want our world to be a better place. Once I find my Mr. Right and I have a family, I don’t want to have to worry about sending my children to school. I want more hope and not fear. I want there to be more love and not so much hate. A friend of mine posted several questions on her FB feed today after the shooting and I cannot shake them. Her questions are in no way rhetorical. They need to be answered. And I find myself clinging to those questions tonight. She writes, “We have too many hurting youth, too many kids who don’t have hope, too many kids who don’t feel loved. What are we going to do about this as the people of God? How are we going to speak light into this darkness and hope into despair? How will we show love to all people today?”

Yes, my dear readers and friends, how are we going to show light in the midst of this darkness and hope in the midst of this despair? How are we going to show love to God’s people today? In the midst of the darkness, I cling to this precious one who was born in a manger in Bethlehem; the one who comes as the light in the midst of darkness, the hope in the midst of despair, and so much more. How do we help show that kind of love to those who are hurting, to those who don’t know love?

I am reminded of my dear mother who has lived most of my life with a mental illness, yet she is one of the most faith-filled women I know. I swear she would give the shirt off her back. She simply loves unconditionally. She has been an amazing model of God’s love for me and I am so grateful and thankful for that. But I find myself wondering where are those examples for those youth who are hurting and don’t feel loved? How do we show them that they are loved? How do we show them that there is hope in the world? I don’t know the answers, yet I want the answers! And I want those answers sooner rather than later. I want the answer not to be violence. I want the answer to be kindness and love and grace. I want…..

Tonight I am praying for this one who thought their only answer was violence. Tonight I am praying for Eric and Dylan who walked into Columbine. Tonight I am praying for all those who lost a child a year ago at Sandy Hook. Tonight I am praying for Adam who felt his only answer was to walk into that school a year ago. Tonight I am praying for all those youth who don’t feel loved and who are hurting. Tonight I am praying that we will be able to answer these questions that my friend posted. Tonight my prayer is simply…come, Holy Spirit, come…help us to show them light and love and hope!