It’s All Too Much!

This has been a season of deep loss for me. Usually the seasons only last for a while before they turn to the next season. However, this season, this season of loss seems to be unending. Their names echo through my heart and soul: Maggie, Justin, Barb, Ben, Aaron, Ralph, Rachel, Stephanie and now Jim. These are all individuals who have touched my life but have been lost to death in this season. They are seminary friends, high school teachers, colleagues, youth ministry friends and now a dear dear family friend.

I am not sure how much more my heart can take. And every time I open Facebook and learn of a new death, my breathe is taken away. This is just too much. Too much pain. Too much heartache. Too much loss. Too much….  Too much…. Too much! I find myself asking, “How long,Oh Lord, how long? How long will this season of loss last?

And yet another death has taken place. Again this is all way too much! Jim and Leslye and their family are more than friends to my sister and I. They are family. I married their oldest daughter and her husband five years ago. It was the first wedding I ever officiated. I have known their kids since they were toddlers and infants and I often call them my “adopted” nieces and nephew. So this one…this one hits way too close to home.

Jim was a man of great integrity and had a smile that could light up a room. I remember watching him with Lexi and McKenzie at their weddings dancing the father daughter dance. My heart aches that he won’t be able to walk Madison down the aisle when she marries the love of her life. Jim loved his wife. He loved his children. And he loved his grandchildren. Today, the world is much dimmer because another great soul was taken from us way too soon. Again this is way too much!

My heart aches. I wonder when this season will end. I fear waking to another death in my life. But then I know the reality is that God sits with us in our pain. So much in life is uncertain, but one thing I know for certain is God’s love–God’s love for God’s people. Today, I am clinging to that very hope even though I must sit here in this space a little longer; sit here in the midst of more grief, pain and loss. I must once again cling to the promises of resurrection hope as I continue to let the tears fall.

I am linking up with Holley at Coffee for your Heart and Kristin and Porch Stories. 

12 thoughts on “It’s All Too Much!

  1. our hearts ache for the loss of friends, family, and those close to us, shareing memories helps to keep the memories alive, hugs and prayers to you on this loss.

  2. Tara, I am so sorry. What deep loss you have experienced this year. I am holding you in prayer and asking the God of all comfort to surround you and hold you close. Hugs!

  3. Oh Tara even as I have been praying for you and the deep loss you are walking thru, we got a call that my husband’s life-long friend has been moved to hospice & will be facing Heaven at any time now. It’s so hard to say goodbye, even when we know that Resurrection hope is secure. Thank you for sharing that hope here again. Prayers & Blessings for you.

  4. Tara, Praying with you.

    In seasons like this, at my innercity kitchen table, 2 blocks from the storefront church I served as pastor in Kansas City, I found myself repeating a mantra of the end of Psalm 27. I was WAY more used to the beginning of the Psalm: “The Lord is my LIGHT! and my SalVAtion”….and had completely overlooked the end. While the first is energizing and inspiring, it was the 2nd that carried me through the dark nights, and the dark nights of my soul.

    I’m attaching them for you.


    Steve Eulberg

    PS, I mistakenly attached them to an email response to no.reply…If you’re interested, please let me know

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