In need of a compass…..

Boy life sure can be interesting sometimes. You know who would have ever thought that I would be graduated from seminary, awaiting my first call, and just sitting in the midst of the merky waters. Now you probably are wondering what does she mean by that…well having worked forever…ok not forever but 7 summers at a Bible camp on the shores of a lake…the water was not always clear. You couldnt always see what was below, behind, beside or even ahead of you. That is how I feel at the current moment. Many of the class that I graduated with are in their first calls, stable and ready to venture into this new place God has called them too. But yet I still wait and wonder when those merky waters are going to become clear for me. I think part of my frustration is that the class I started with are now venturing back to their castle. I know its sad to say this but part of me wishes I was still at the castle. Now Im probably crazy for thinking that but so many of the people that care and love me for me besides my family are my friends at the seminary. Okay so now Im getting a little mushy. Its like my sister said to me the other day,”You dont know what you have until its gone.” Now I know I havent lost my friends forever but part of me does feel that way. And like I said the other day, I am scared…scared that I wont get everything in on time, scared that God will take me far away and put me in a new place where I wont know anyone, scared that I will fail and the list goes on. I know that God obviously wouldnt have called me to the ministry if God didnt think that I have gifts for ministry but its the not knowing and the waiting in this tween time that is hard. Sorry I probably have bored you to death with my thoughts but it is truly something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

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