I’ve always been a crier. In fact, I’ve been known to cry at Hallmark commercials. However, there is something holy about tears that come from the reality of loss and grief. 2018 was filled with its share of tears. However 2019 also had its fair share of shed tears. There were days that the tears were still wet upon my face. Yet I came out of 2019 more whole than when I went into it.

Becoming whole again takes hard work. It means getting the proper care no matter what that looks like. It could be medicine or simply chatting with a professional. But most of all, it means trusting in the Great Physician…God our Father.

I went into 2019 ready to do some hard holy healing work. Yet it often came in unexpected ways. When I was asked to attend Shepherds Canyon, everything in me clenched up and didn’t want to go. I went reluctantly. Yet I was so blessed by that place and my new friends. There is something holy in knowing you are never alone. Tears streamed down my face as I laid my rock with the words of things that I would leave behind at the foot of the altar. I was leaving behind fear.

I didn’t know that months later I would find myself wondering what God was up too. There were days I loved my job. But then the joy was lost…and then simply gone. Change was afoot and I found myself walking away knowing it was the healthiest thing for me.

I still don’t know what’s next. Yet I am at peace. I’m stronger and much more whole than when I went into 2019. And I know that with hard work, transformation will come as the healing continues. Healing that produces beautiful holy tears! Holy tears that remind me that this journey is never done alone.