Emotions, Exhaustion and The Bitterness Thats Left in my Mouth

This morning, I woke up to a Facebook message from one of my dear friends. The message contained a video from Mayim Bialik where she talks about being an emotional person. I pushed play on the video and began to watch it.

The words resonated immediately with me. I’ve always been an emotional being. I’ve even been known to cry at a Hallmark commercial or two or three…..
My tears come from deep in the depths of my heart and are honestly never out of pity. I truly deeply hurt for those who are hurting. And as I listened to these words, I had a realization. No wonder I am exhausted. Since the election, my heart, soul and mind have been even more filled with care for those on the margins. My heart cannot take the ugliness I’ve seen spewed in this world.

I know that we are all uniquely created beings in this world. We will never agree on every side of an issue. But as I scroll through any one of my social media feeds, I want to throw my phone or IPad. I truly believe we are better than this. That we can treat each other with love and respect while fully listening to one another. We may never understand why certain individuals act the way they do, but what if we at least tried to understand where they were coming from? I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but it’s a place for us to start.

My heart grieves for those Jesus would have had no problem sitting and breaking bread with himself. Jesus was the first to break bread with tax collectors and sinners. Jesus himself was a refugee; fleeing from his homeland with Mary and Joseph to escape King Herod. I can’t help but wonder when Jesus will show up at our door as the homeless man, the black woman, the immigrant, the refugee etc. Are we not called to feed them, clothe them, provide shelter for them, etc?

I honestly don’t have any of the answers but my heart is filled with a holy fire; a holy fire that wants to resist and persist like the many in the Bible who persisted. The truth is that I will always feel emotion. I will always cry for those who are seen as outsiders. I will continually shed tears for those who are hurting and are tired from what the world throws at them. My emotions will, in the words of Mayim, always be my superpower; a superpower I’m not willing to give up.

I believe that God gave me this gift; to see, to feel, to touch and to taste. Most days, I’m happy to feel, to taste, to see and to touch what is happening in this world. But lately, my mouth has been filled with a bitterness that I can’t shake; a bitterness that lingers long after I’ve read or heard words that have been shared. I can’t help but think of Jesus’ own words in the book of James, “We must be slow to speak and slow to anger.” But what if that is not enough? What if we need to speak up?

I’m tired friends….tired from the ways my emotions have been wrapped up in the reality of our world. Yet without my emotions, would I see this world and those who are hurting? Would I not be willing to be that shoulder for Gods children to weep on? Would I not dry the tears of Gods children who are filled with fear? But most of all, would my capacity to be compassionate, kind, caring and loving not open the world to the beauty of Gods tapestry; a tapestry where black lives matter, where trans individuals don’t have to worry, where refugees feel safe and so much more?

My emotions are indeed my superpower. They help me to live and love in a world that is broken and fractured. They help me to see those who need to be seen. They remind me that all of us are beloved children of God who deserve to feel safe and respected.

So pardon me if my tears are still wet…
But I’m no longer going to apologize for them.

I am linking up with Holly and Testimony Tuesday, Kelly and the Ra Ra linkup, Jennifer and Tell His Story, Holley and Coffee for your Heart and Kristin and Three Word Wednesday.


6 thoughts on “Emotions, Exhaustion and The Bitterness Thats Left in my Mouth

  1. the politics are totally out of line (on both sides). A few minutes ago a FB friend updated about ugliness and hatred she'd just seen on a blog about Southern Sweet Tea! Yikes! Really, almost every recipe is mostly a matter of taste, preference, opinion, skill, cost, and convenience. In the critter community, it seems as if too many kitteh people go overboard, too. In general design/art and theology conversations and observations on facebook are quite moderate, but some of the LinkedIn design forums are enough to send Leonardo da Vinci running for cover!

  2. Tara, God creates us specifically for the purposes of which our "jars of clay" are meant. Our passions reveal where our energy and emotions are invested. Even Jesus wept. This Kingdom is being built while we live on this Earth. At once, we are witness to both the broken things of this world and yet in relationship with the King who is making things new. The key lies in acknowledging that ultimately God's hands are big enough to hold the pain and initiate the healing.

  3. I've heard being sensitive compared to being the canary in the coal mine. We feel things at the most minute level, and those who chose to ridicule or ignore do so at their own peril. Love ya!

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