This post was inspired by a fruitful conversation I had today at lunch with a colleague/trusted friend!
It’s something that I have thought about a lot over the course of my life. As many of you, my faithful readers know, I have lived with a parent who has lived her whole life with a mental illness. Mom has never let her illness get in the way of who she is and living her life. She is one of the most faith-filled women I know! However she has lived in a nursing home/assisted care facility for almost the last 15 years. The conversation started when my colleague asked a very in depth question which led to an even more in depth conversation!
We started talking about family of origin stuff! It got me thinking about myself and who I am! I often times get emotional when sharing my story but as we talked it came to my attention that it wasn’t necessarily about mom’s illness but rather the things I have lost in the course of that illness. Her illness is part of my history and is deeply rooted in who I am as a person. But what exactly does that look like? And why am I the way I am etc?
As we talked, this dear colleague/trusted friend made me realize that I have gained so much from my mom. She is one of the most faith filled woman I know. She is kind and compassionate and caring. (Which he pointed out are some of my deepest traits as well!) But the reality is I have lost things too(which isnt bad just different!)How would life be different?
As my mind spins and continues to process our conversation, I am so thankful for the conversation. I also am thankful for some words that were bestowed upon me during this conversation as well. He told me about a Greek word (which I am blanking on at the moment) which basically translates “Know Thy Self.” Wow……powerful insightful words…how true is that for all of us. How critical are we of ourselves? So critical and yet God places people in our lives who bless us beyond words…beyond ways we could ever imagine. I am reminded of a conversation I had with a dear friend who told me “You dont realize how much of a blessing you are to others.” (Hmmm…..perhaps God was trying to enlighten me to who I am; to who I was created to be through this friend!)
May we all strive to “Know Thy Self!”
1. When did you start blogging? What/who prompted you? July 27, 2005 Leaving seminary and moving away from dear friends etc is what prompted me to begin a blog.
2. How often do you post? How often do you visit blogging friends and/or other blogs? It depends. I run in spurts. Some times Im blogging daily or every couple of days. Sometimes I go weeks or months before blogging again.
3. Why do you keep on blogging? First and foremost because Im a writer and it allows me to write/journal about life etc.
4. What do you like to write about? Anything and everything.
5. Have your blogging habits changed–or are they changing? I would say yes they have changed. I use to blog a lot but now I dont blog unless I feel like it’s worth reading. In that regards I think my quality has improved!
Bonus: Recommend a blog or two. So many blogs I love so Ill give more than two. Some of my faves:
Have you ever wished God would just put a bunch of signs in your life telling you where to go or what to do? Some faith traffic signs sure would be nice at times wouldn’t they?!?! I’m not just talking about one thing in particular but everything about life. Having just turned 34, I find myself once again contemplating my life. I so yearn to be a mom, to have a husband, to have a family! Yet I know that it will happen in God’s timing not my own. Yet that is not the easiest thing to trust in. When will it happen for me? Or will it happen at all (And if thats the case, how do I come to terms with that since I have wished, hoped and dreamed for this my entire life?) Should I adopt? The questions are continually rolling around in my head!
And then I look at my life and how blessed I am, I love my job! Yet I know that this isn’t the place I will probably serve at forever! And then I find myself once again wondering what is next for me. When is the Holy Spirit going to call me to where God needs me to be? That darn Holy Spirit seems to be continually moving and stirring about in my life! Perhaps the Holy Spirit is moving and stirring because she wants me to not feel so comfortable; to weave my way in and out on this journey!
This journey is a journey I am so blessed to be on! I am thankful every day for the many blessings in my life; my job,my friends, my family and so much more. Yet I know that this journey isn’t going to be easy. In fact, there aren’t literally traffic signs put in front of me, but I do believe that God in God’s own way puts a big red STOP sign, a yellow CAUTION sign, take a U-turn here sign, or a GREEN go sign etc in our lives ever day! We just need to be more alert to these signs and to trust in this one who promise he will never leave us or forsake us.
I love fall! I love watching the seasons change but it also means life at church gets busy. Everything starts back up. Now don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the church so full of life after so many members have taken a summer haitus! I truly love working in the church. However there are so many challenges that go with it too! Just the reality of serving in the church!
Antsy…that’s how I have been feeling lately. I don’t know if it’s the Holy Spirit flittering and fluttering around…doing her thing or what but thats just how Im feeling! I’m not sure what that means so asking for patience and peace!
Hope and Joy! I just got back from my synod’s fall rostered leaders retreat. The speaker today had us share stories of joy and hope. We talked about happiness and joy! Are they the same or different?!?! It created some fruitful conversation.
So this is a disjointed post but thats how I feel most days…going from one thing to the next! Hope you all are doing well my friends!
1. What is one of the best things that happened to you this week? Getting to spend time with my mama and sister last weekend! It had been way tooo long since we had seen mama!
2. If you were in a Ms., Miss, Mr. (name your country) Pageant, what would your talent be? Hmmm…if I could sing (which I cant) it would be singing. Maybe I would try something different that I’ve never seen on one of those pageants and I would do a poetry reading with some of my poetry!
3. You were just given a YACHT!!! What would you name it, and why? I think I would name it Grace! Yes, a very Lutheran answer but grace is a gift that is freely given and if the YACHT was just given to me as a gift, then GRACE seems fitting!
4. If you were to perform in a circus, what would you do? (I can’t remember if I asked this before…)I think it would be fun to be a tightrope walker!
5. What do you have in your bag/wallet/backpack that best describes your personality? That’s a hard one! I’m not sure. What do you think friends?
Sitting outside on my patio; enjoying this cool crisp September night and watching the lightning in the sky! So thankful for this day as we’ve celebrated Labor Day but even more thankful for my amazing family and friends as I celebrated another year of life! Hard to imagine that 34 years ago today my mama was in labor with me on Labor Day Monday!! Love that woman to pieces!
I’ve been so blessed in my life with terrific friends and family! I wish I got to see a lot of you even more than I do!! So thankful for you all and feeling extremely overwhelmingly loved tonight! Thanks dear readers and friends!!
RevGalBlogPals writes: “What five characters would you switch places with for a day? I initially read this to mean characters in books, but hey…you can use plays, movies, comic strips, cartoons, anything you’d like. For bonus points, tell us WHY for each or some.”
So hard to pick just five but heres my five—-
1. Ziva—from NCIS! She is just so kick-ass and I think it would be fun to be her. And it wouldnt hurt to get to spend the day with Tony and McGee!! I’ve never seen myself as kick ass so it would be able to be her for a day.
2. Mary the mother of Jesus—I just think it would be intriguing and interesting to be her. This virgin told she was going to have this holy one! I cant even begin to imagine what she was feeling etc. It would be neat to be her for a little while!
3. Laura Ingalls Wilder. I love reading the books and watching the tv show. I just think it would be fun to be her. I also think it would be fun to be Melissa Gilbert or Alison Arngrim (played Nellie on the tv show). I recently read Alison’s book “Confessions of a Prairie Bitch” and I have NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD AT A BOOK! It would be fun to be her or Meliss and watch their antics unfold as they were filming Little House.
4. Jodi Picoult-I love her books and I have always wanted to be a writer so I think it would be fun to walk in her shows for a day or so. Her topics in her books are always a relevant topic to the time. I wonder how she comes up with those ideas!
5. Mr. Shuster from Glee! 😛 Ok this one might seem a little strange but I think it would be fun to have the gift of singing etc. Its definetely not a gift I possess. I love his character on the show and his values. It would be fun to hang out with him and to coach the Glee group! So much fun!