Yearning for Hope

Today’s word of yearn is making me get extremely real with all of you. I am a 38 year old single woman who yearns deeply to be a wife and a mom. As a little girl, I would play with my dolls and dream of the days that I would hold my own child in my own arms. But that still hasn’t happened for me. Am I called to be a mom or not?

The waiting feels so eternal and there are days I just want to curl up and forget about it all. Yet this call has been so persistent in my life that I am starting to realize that maybe I should shut up and listen because maybe God is trying to tell me something.

“May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the needy and crush the oppressor.”–Psalm 72:4 (NRSV)

But in these days, I am not sure that I want my future child/children to grow up in our world as it currently is. It is not the world I hoped we were moving towards. I see so much evil and hatred. I see my black/brown, Native American, LGTBQ+, Muslim and Jewish friends being treated so horribly. It seriously breaks my heart and I wonder how many tears I can cry as I look at our fractured bloodstained world. I want to believe always that God’s love wins but there are days I honestly have a hard time trusting in those words. I mean, how many tears can I shed before there are no more tears left?

“May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the needy and crush the oppressor.”–Psalm 72:4 (NRSV)

I am the daughter of a woman who daily lives with a mental illness. This woman is one of the most faith filled women that I know. She has taught me more about life and living than I could ever imagine. She seriously would give the shirt off of her back to a person in need. She loves hard and she loves deep. In fact, her unconditional love has taught me what it means to love ALL God’s beloved children. Yet because of her illness and the stigma associated with it,  Mom has not always been seen as a fully beloved child of God by all. Yet my mom is a beautiful beloved child of God. 
“May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the needy and crush the oppressor.”–Psalm 72:4 (NRSV)

I yearn for the day our world will be better; a world that will truly love all God’s beloved children. I am not sure when that world will come. In scripture, we are told we do not know the day nor the hour. But as we expectantly wait this Advent season, I have to hope in the love that comes from this child who breaks down into the stillness of night to bring hope and healing to all the world; This child who certainly reminds me to love well in the midst of our broken world; This child who will always “defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the needy and crush the oppressor.”

For in these words of promise, I find a little bit of light; light that seems to, at least, dim the darkness some. So today, I am going to do my best to cling to this hope and shower love the best ways I can. Know this, “You are beautiful. You are enough. You are a beloved child of God (no exceptions)!”

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