Guilt is one of those feelings that we don’t like feeling. It causes us to feel bad about ourselves and the actions we have or have not committed! Guilt can easily wrap it’s way into our head, heart and mind! And as a good ol’ Lutheran, guilt creeps so easily in that we don’t always realize that it’s there.
I’ll admit that I’m the first one to let guilt sneak in. And this week I’ll admit has been a week where I’ve especially felt that guilt more than usual.
As a daughter of someone who daily struggles with a mental illness, I am harder on myself than anyone else when she is not doing well. When I can’t get up to see her every day, I start giving myself the biggest guilt trip! When I try to go visit her and get turned around because it was dark the other night and I’m not sure where the hospital is, I heap guilt upon guilt on myself! And I feel guilt when I wonder how others perceive my actions; not understanding how stressful the situation can be for me! In all actuality, guilt knows me way to well!!
Yet I know that guilt shouldn’t and won’t have the final word! I will get to see her! I will continually remind myself that guilt isn’t what defines me! Only my family and I truly understand our story!
In the end, God wants me to know that there is hope. That I shouldn’t be so hard on myself! (And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself either) I need to be gentle with myself (and you with yourself too ) because guilt doesn’t have the final word, God does!!!
Some days that is easier said than done for me to trust in. Yet God understands and knows my heart! God proclaims hope and peace for me; through family, and prayer warrior friends, and so many who walk this journey with me!