Road Maps and Traffic Signs

If you are a faithful reader to this blog, you know that I have commiserated often about how my life isn’t where I would like it to be. At 35 years old, I am so ready to find my Mr. Right and settle down with a family. For the most part, my heart is content, yet I yearn so deeply for these things; yearn sooooo sooooo soooo DEEPLY!

Throughout my life, I have had some awesome amazing guy friends. There is my friend who is the “adopted baby brother I always wanted.” We could talk to each other about anything and everything. Then he found his dear wife who is awesome and we have kind of lost touch. Our lives are just at different points.

Several summers ago, God brought this amazing guy into my life. I deeply treasure our friendship and our conversations. He is going through a difficult time in his life and so I am doing my best to be a good friend; to support him in the midst of this trial. There is so much I would like to say to him, but I also know he is grieving in the midst of this difficult time in his life. So I have simply held back and just been a friend; a friend who listens whenever she can. I often find my mind playing mind games and wondering why God brought us into each other’s lives. I know that this is not the time or place to even think this since he is going through this difficult time. However that is often easier said than done.

Yet my heart and my head don’t and can’t understand. Why hasn’t it happened for me YET? What if I tell someone how I truly feel? What if I don’t say a word? Will I always wonder what “might have been?” What does that mean for tomorrow, for the next year, for the next 5 years, for the next 10 years? I simply wish God would give me a road map or traffic signs to when or even if these dreams will ever happen for me.

And then sometimes God doesn’t send a road map or a traffic sign, but rather a dream. And then I find myself trying to interpret what this dream means in my life. Is the dream a way of God and the Holy Spirit trying to give me that road map or traffic sign that I have been wanting and needing? I find myself praying for God to reveal to me what needs to be revealed. Yet it is hard to wait patiently and trust in God’s timing and not my own. That is the beauty of God in our lives….God always walks with us and is with us especially when we least  feel like God is there.

So for now…I will just wait…and pray for those road maps and traffic signs to come into my life….sooner rather than later!

Traffic Signs of Faith

Have you ever wished God would just put a bunch of signs in your life telling you where to go or what to do? Some faith traffic signs sure would be nice at times wouldn’t they?!?! I’m not just talking about one thing in particular but everything about life. Having just turned 34, I find myself once again contemplating my life. I so yearn to be a mom, to have a husband, to have a family! Yet I know that it will happen in God’s timing not my own. Yet that is not the easiest thing to trust in. When will it happen for me? Or will it happen at all (And if thats the case, how do I come to terms with that since I have wished, hoped and dreamed for this my entire life?) Should I adopt? The questions are continually rolling around in my head!

And then I look at my life and how blessed I am, I love my job! Yet I know that this isn’t the place I will probably serve at forever! And then I find myself once again wondering what is next for me. When is the Holy Spirit going to call me to where God needs me to be? That darn Holy Spirit seems to be continually moving and stirring about in my life! Perhaps the Holy Spirit is moving and stirring because she wants me to not feel so comfortable; to weave my way in and out on this journey!

This journey is a journey I am so blessed to be on! I am thankful every day for the many blessings in my life; my job,my friends, my family and so much more. Yet I know that this journey isn’t going to be easy. In fact, there aren’t literally traffic signs put in front of me, but I do believe that God in God’s own way puts a big red STOP sign, a yellow CAUTION sign, take a U-turn here sign, or a GREEN go sign etc in our lives ever day! We just need to be more alert to these signs and to trust in this one who promise he will never leave us or forsake us.