I am linking up for the Five Minute Friday. The FMF is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Today’s prompt is “Hide.” Write for five minutes; unedited.
When I was a teenager, my sister and I babysat for some of our favorite little girls. Their mom and her sister used to babysit for us and then we started babysitting for her kids when she had kids. I remember McKenzie coming to my dad’s house and often wanting to hide behind my sister and I. We couldn’t figure out why she was afraid to go downstairs in our basement. One day it dawned on us that she was afraid of the deer head that our dad had mounted on the wall.
Isn’t it crazy how we want to hide when things are unfamiliar to us? Or how we hide because we don’t want to show that side of ourselves to those around us? As a little girl, I often would shed many tears because of the words that were slung at me; the names that I was called. But the tears always came! I couldn’t hide them from the people that were slinging names at me. In a way, I felt that they were winning because I couldn’t hide those words.
But one of the biggest things that I hid from others was our family’s journey with a mental illness. It took me a very very long time before I brought our story out of hiding. But once I began sharing our story, many other stories came out of hiding too. There is so much power in those two words “me too!” Stories are meant to be shared. They are not meant to be hidden. They reveal a big part of who we are; of who God calls us to be.
*Yet there are still times when it is hard for me to share my story. There are still tears that I want to hide. There are the tears that silently fall from my eyes when I am not sure that God has heard the desires of my heart. There are the tears that I secretly shed when I come home to an empty house and bed. There are the tears that I want to hide because I don’t want the world to see how vulnerable I am. Yet there is something so holy about no longer hiding our tears. There is something healing when we show our tears to each other.
*That is where my five minutes stopped but I had to finish out my thought.
This picture was shared on Facebook today and oh how true these words are! I am keeping it simple today since I am traveling home from a gathering with dear Diaconal brothers and sisters.
Tears are so telling of my story! I think they are telling of many of our stories because they say a lot about our identity. They express the grief we experience through our deep dark places.
I’ve always been a crier. In fact to this day I am still a crier. And many times those tears; that grief–the grief I experience because of our journey of mental illness often surprises me. It comes at unexpected times and in unexpected places. Yet it is at those times I have been most aware of the connection between my story and my tears. There is indeed value in our tears because our tears tell a lot about who we are.
“What if healing comes through tears…” Driving home from a meeting at church tonight, I heard these words as the music blared from my speakers. I’ve heard these words many times. These words are from Christian artist Laura Story’s song “Blessings.” But for some reason, these words caught me more than ever tonight.
Maybe they caught me more than ever because I am in the midst of a transition; only 12 days left at my current call. Time has gone so fast. And the goodbyes are so very difficult to say. Tonight I was at church for my last Education committee meeting. They brought goodies to the meeting because it was my last meeting. I was touched by their simple gesture! And realized that this was yet another goodbye.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am Miss Emotional. I mean come on, I’ve been known to cry at Hallmark commercials. But tonight as I was listening to these words from Laura Story’s song, I found myself realizing that perhaps tears are one of my gifts…that tears are a way for me to express my emotions and to heal. Perhaps the tears I have been shedding these last several weeks and that will be shed over the next 12 days are a way for me to say goodbye; to prepare for this new adventure but also these tears are God’s way of helping me heal.
And perhaps tears aren’t such a bad thing after all…
Well let’s see how this goes! So apparently it is NaBloPoMo (national blog post month). I have been trying to blog more but like some of my friends etc I have a hard time blogging because I am not sure if I have anything to say! But I figure it is worth giving something a try at least once! 🙂
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an extremely emotional person? I cry at just about anything; Hallmark commercials, sappy movies, sad movies, etc! I also can get overly excited. In other words, I love HARD! Right friends! I mean I might as well invest in Kleenex stock, right?!?!
I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am as an emotional woman lately as I prepare for this new call. It is so very bittersweet to leave a place that has blessed me in so many ways. I couldnt even get through my Confirmation sermon last week and my sermon on wrestling with God the week before without tears. In some ways it feels so surreal. And other ways I am so excited. Excited to start this new adventure that God has called me too. Excited to be closer to my family. Excited to…in many ways….come home; home to Western ND.
Yet the tears still well up in my eyes! And sometimes I get upset that I am so emotional. I get frustrated that I cry when I dont want to. But then I remember…remember that this is who I am…and this is who God created me to be! A VERY VERY EMOTIONAL WOMAN who experiences life and its emotions with all its intensity and all its joy.
“Weeping may come for the night but joy comes with the morning” Psalm 30
(And as I think about what I am going to blog about this month, Im asking you my readers, what should I blog about?)