Tag Archives: SuperAwesomeBibleCamp

The Unlikely Suspects

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Mary was chosen to give birth to the Christ child.
Sarah gave birth to a son at a very old age.
Noah was chosen to build the ark.
David was chosen to fight Goliath.

These are only a few of the stories that I think of when I reflect on God’s grace in the Bible. There are so many more stories that embody what it means to be blessed by God’s grace. And, like these characters in the Bible, God chooses us too. God often chooses the most unlikely of people to receive God’s grace.

I never imagined that I would be the one to attend seminary. But God saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. And placed professors, advisors and friends who continually graced me with God’s grace.

I wouldn’t have worked at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp for seven summers if God hadn’t shown grace to the camp director who hired me.

God’s grace again and again has a way of showing up in the most unlikeliest of people and in the most unlikeliest of places. As a single 37 year old, I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions Mary felt when she was told she would give birth to the Christ child. Yet she fulfilled God’s call for her life. And I will bet the minute she held her infant Son in her arms, she was overcome with great emotion and love; trusting in the gift of God’s grace for her family and especially for her newborn Son.

David was in not so many words the runt of the litter. Yet God chose him. David fought Goliath and even won! Another example of the mighty power of God’s grace in our lives. God’s grace doesn’t ever leave us where it found us! It is a gift that is always placed on the table for us to receive.

Through these Bible stories and through the stories in our own lives, I believe that we can begin to see a glimpse of God’s grace even in the midst of our own darkness.  We began to show the visibility of a sometimes invisible God. I am reminded of these words from Paul Tripp that I shared in a blog post in September titled The Visibility of God’s Grace. Tripp writes: “I think my job is to make the grace of an invisible God, visible, wherever I am!”

Because I have received this gift in my own life and seen the power of this grace in my own life, I will continue to show it others so that together we may see the visibility of God’s grace in our own lives and on our own journeys of faith.

Click Here to Head to My 31 Days Landing Page
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The Worst Interview in the World

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Growing up in small town North Dakota, there weren’t many options for a job when I was in high school. I worked at the local theater taking tickets, selling concessions and making popcorn. Before I graduated high school, I was looking for a new summer job. One day my Uncle and Grandma suggested that I work at our church’s Bible camp, so I decided to apply for a job as a Bible camp counselor.

The camp director received my resume and set up an interview with me. I drove to Bismarck ND where we met at Perkins for my interview. It was the worst interview in the world! I looked at my shoes and at the top of the table the whole time he was interviewing me. I don’t think I ever looked him straight in the face. I left feeling defeated. Yet despite it being the worst interview in the world, the camp director decided to hire me anyways.

I graduated high school on a Sunday and was off to camp last than 36 hours after graduating. I spent that summer growing as a woman of faith. Little did I know that working at camp would change me in the most positive ways. It was the first place that I openly shared our family’s journey with a mental illness. It was the place that blessed me and would be the place where I eventually would hear the call to seminary.

I worked there all summer. Then the next summer, after my Freshmen year of college, I returned to work another summer as a camp counselor. Halfway through the summer, the camp director and the program director invited each of us to a mid-summer evaluation. During my evaluation, the camp director looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I didn’t think you were going to make it. I hired you thinking I would take you as long as you would make it. And now I cannot get rid of you. You are like a mother hen with all of her little chicks.”

As I heard him say those words to me, a smile spread across my face. God’s hand of grace had indeed intervened as God tapped the camp director’s shoulder and in not so many words, called him to hire me despite all of his hesitation. It was God’s hand of grace that called me to work at camp and eventually led me to seminary. It was in this holy place on the prairies of North Dakota, right off Lake Sakakawea where I received the gift of God’s grace.

Click Here to Head to My 31 Days Landing Page

Being Drug Out of My Writing Chair

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Joining in with the online discussion on the book “On Being A Writer” by Ann Kroeker and Charity Singleton Craig. Today we are working through Chapter 5: Write. 


“A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word to paper.”–E.B. White.

But what do you do when the writing can be the hardest part. Yes, I realize that if I am going to call myself a writer, I must sit down and actually write….but some days that can be so much easier said than done. As the Director of Home and Family Ministry at a church, the words I write might be a sermon, newsletter article, Confirmation lesson etc, so when it’s time to write on the blog that can be hard to do.

As you already know, I still have a hard time calling myself a writer, but I am getting there. My mom has told me stories about how when I was little, I didn’t ask for a toy, but rather pen and paper. I was content to pour my words out in stories and characters even at a young age. Little did I realize what an impact words would have on my life.

Words, in many ways, became my lifeline. In English class, I loved when we had a writing assignment. When I went off to work at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp and told our story of journeying with mental illness for the first time, words became my prayers lifted up to God like hands raised to receive. At seminary, I struggled some. But it was a seminary professor who realized my love of words and poetry that helped me finally pass his class as an independent study. We would tape our conversations, I would go back and listen to them, and then I would come armed with my questions during the next class time.

Words continued to be my oxygen as I used them to share my family’s journey with a mental illness. But it really wasn’t until I joined the Write 31 Days challenge last October, that I realized how powerful my words were for me and for others. It is the one time that I truly sat down and wrote every single day. It is the one time that I felt like I found my sweet spot. It is the one time that I realized how there is so much power in hearing those words “me, too.” In my own words, I was able to breathe easier, because without being able to share my/our story, it felt like I was alone.

Even though I have found that my words do make a difference, there are still so many times when I get distracted; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. (Can anyone else relate?) I scroll through FB looking for that quote that I saw earlier and want to write about. Before I know it 30 minutes have gone by, I still haven’t found that quote and I still haven’t written ANYTHING. It is so easy to let the world around us distract us too.

Sometimes I think it is so easy to get distracted because I am striving for perfection (Anyone else shake their head at Charity’s words: “The second reason we resist sitting down to work is we want our writing to be perfect!”) I will find anything in my line of sight to help me procrastinate because so often I get caught up in the comparison game. That blog is prettier than mine; she writes so much more eloquently than I do etc. But then I read these words from Charity and I am convicted: “We have something to say that can come only from us.” Only I can tell my story of being a daughter of someone who daily struggles with a mental illness. Only I can tell my story of being a single 36 (SOON to be 37) year old who yearns so very deeply to be a wife and momma. Only I can tell the story of who God has called ME to be.

Trusting in that promise and knowing that my words are valid, perhaps someone just needs to drag me out of my writing chair to show me the surprising places where my words have and will show up!

For This is Holy Ground!

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One of my favorite pictures from camp

It has been 18 years since I drove onto the gravel road that led me straight to the place where I would spend my summer as a camp counselor. That gravel road led me to Camp of the Cross Ministries where I would spend the next approximately seven summers. Little did I know the impact of that special place in my life.

18 years ago, I started that summer as a shy introverted 18 year old (yes indeed there was a time in my life when I was shy). That summer changed me and made me grow in so many ways. That next summer, the camp director and the program director were doing mid-summer evaluations. As I sat on the couch listening intently to them, I learned how much the Holy Spirit’s hand was there guiding me to Camp of the Cross. The camp director reminded me how awful my interview was. I remember it so clearly. I answered his questions but I don’t think I looked up from the table even once. Yet he took a chance on me. He told me, “I hired you thinking I would take you as long as you would make it. But now I cannot get rid of you.” In those words, the power of the Spirit had changed me.

Camp is the first place that I openly shared about my mom’s struggle with a mental illness. Tears streaming down my face, I poured out my heart and years worth of keeping our story bottled inside. It was an amazing healing moment. And then several years after that first summer, I watched my mom experience life at camp and got to share this special holy place with her.

Sharing Camp with my Momma

Camp is where I heard the call into ministry. Camp is the place that made me into the woman of faith that I am today. Camp is the place I met and made some of my bestest of friends. Camp is hallowed holy ground because of the many ways it blessed me and holds a special place in my life. “Behold I am standing on holy ground.”

I spent so many times at “three crosses” lifting my prayers to God. I found myself many nights, under the prairie night sky, releasing my heart onto paper through poetry. And other times, I found myself counting the stars above my head; reminded of the power of God and God’s love for all people.

Three Crosses Campfire Site–During the Day and at Night
One of my favorite places in the entire world!

Today, camp is breaking ground for a new fellowship hall. This is something that has been needed for so long and I am so glad to hear these prayers answered. I wish that I could be there today for that special groundbreaking. But unfortunately I am not able to be there, but I am definitely there in spirit. This hallowed holy place will always be place for me where I can feel the transcendant power of God.

Even know when I get on that gravel road leading to camp, I get so giddy! It is like coming home for me…because camp is indeed one of the dear homes in my life. At camp, I look around and see God’s hand working all over that place. I also feel the Holy Spirit moving about. I look around and smile.

“For this ground you are standing on is holy ground!”

Good and Gracious God, there are so many places in our lives where we experience your awesome creation and feel your Spirit moving about. Today I pray for Camp of the Cross Ministries and the ways that that place has formed me as a woman of faith and as a leader in the church as well as for all who have been formed in their faith there. Also please bless all gathered at camp today as they break ground for the new fellowship center. Surround this place in your loving tender arms and care for this holy ground which we care so deeply for. In your name we pray. Amen!

Beautifully In Over our Heads

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I am a farm girl! We lived in town but my dad moved  our family from Nebraska to North Dakota when my sister and I were little so he could help his dad farm. My sister and I spent our fair share of time helping on the farm. My dad always recruited us to help move cattle from one field to another. It was a hard job. A lot of times the baby calves would not follow their mommas to the next space. They would stubbornly wonder off on their own which made life chaotic. I lost count of the  number of times I saw my dad chasing those cows and calves with a pickup truck; the truck door hanging half open.

Like those baby calves, sometimes we want to follow our own way. We think we know the way for us. But the truth is we often get lost. Like hiking in the mountains, we take the wrong turn and end up somewhere we didn’t expect or somewhere we shouldn’t be. The truth is that God always knows the way though. In fact, God calls us to get out of the boat and follow him.

The story of Jesus and his disciples in the boat is a great story. It is a story that reminds me; reminds all of us of the power of God. God calmed the storm. God called Peter to come out onto the water. God calls us to come out on that water too. But so often like Peter we don’t trust God and begin to sink. We need to trust fully and be beautifully in over our heads.

Because the truth is that when we trust and allow God to let us get beautifully in over our heads, amazing incredible things begin to happen. Like my friend KA and her family who have been called to start a new church…talk about being beautifully in over your head. Like my friends who have gone overseas to serve God…again beautifully in over their heads. And sometimes it is as simple as realizing that it is time to leave one place and start anew somewhere else. I tell you in those moments I realized that I was beautifully in over my head too.

The first summer I worked at camp, we took our staff picture standing on the island in the middle of the lake. The water was so high it looks like we are walking on water; like we truly followed Jesus onto the water. On our way back, our office secretary was getting into the pontoon when she fell in. I remember she laughed about it. What a great reminder that God calls us to always follow him and sometimes following him means getting beautifully in over our heads.

The Spilled Sand Art Cross (Or How God Takes Brokenness and Makes It Beautiful!)

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So much of our society and world is about striving to be perfect. We think we have to be perfect. But the truth is that God didn’t create us to be perfect. We are human…and we are sinners! I mean look at the world around us. This week especially I have been acutely aware of our sinfulness. Just turn on the news the last couple of days, riots breaking out in Baltimore. And I am saddened by what I see! My best friend’s husband is a highway patrolman. I know that RT would never act the way the policemen are acting in Baltimore. Yet I am not blind to the fact that we are all created to be both saints and sinners alike.

I am reminded of these words that we read in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” In other words, it is through our brokenness and our imperfections that we are made more powerful.

When I worked at a Bible camp for many summers, it was always awesome to watch how God often would use brokenness, imperfections to shine the light of God’s love on each other. One week in particular a friend and I were co-counselors together. Like many other weeks, this week had its challenging campers. One afternoon we were gathered in the craft shack to do an art project when one young girl in particular was testing our buttons. I don’t remember the particulars of that afternoon, how the sand art ended up on the floor, but it did. And in the midst of the spill, the sand art sprawled out onto the floor to create this beautiful cross. My co-counselor and I looked at each other and just smiled. A simple reminder of beauty out of brokenness.

The truth is that it is so easy to get caught up in wanting to be perfect, yet when we truly take the time, God has this amazing way of showing us how God takes our brokenness and makes beautiful things. My mom is one of those examples for me! Even though she has lived most of my life with a mental illness, her story/our story has blessed many. In the deepest darkness of the depression or in the highest high of the mania, God has taken it and reminded me that God indeed takes our brokenness and makes it beautiful. My sister and I wouldn’t be who we are without this journey. There were many days growing up when I didn’t understand. But as a young woman, I have become more and more aware of how God takes our brokenness and makes beautiful things out of our brokenness. In fact, to be honest, my mom is one of the most beautiful women that I know….beauty out of her own brokenness!

I think of my friends Jon and Renee and Renee’s first husband Ben. They wouldn’t have gone to Haiti if they knew the earthquake was going to happen and Ben was going to lose his life that day. Today Jon and Renee are married and have their first child. Again God took a horrific event and in the midst of it all, God wove together something incredibly beautiful.

Like that spilled sand art cross, God takes all of our brokenness and often weaves it into something incredibly beautiful. We may not always see it at first. But take a closer look and the beauty out of the brokenness is quite evident!

Today I am linking up with these beautiful writers 
Holley and Coffee for your Heart, Jennifer and Tell His Story.

 


The Master Risk-Taker

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I AM NOT A RISK-TAKER! You won’t catch me jumping out of any planes! Or driving around a race car track going 100 plus miles per hour. I am more than comfortable knowing that things are going to stay the same. Yet during college, my friend Kristi and I (neither of us being risk-takers) decided to hop in the car and drive from Bismarck ND to Fargo ND about a four drive. Kristi was craving Olive Garden and the closest OG was in Fargo so in the car we went. I remember looking back on that experience thinking how crazy we were especially being the hotel we stayed at was not the classiest hotel.

Yet Kristi and I learned something that day! It is more than okay to take risks. God wants us to trust fully in him and to know that even when we take risks, he is standing there right beside us. I honestly don’t know if I would have gone to work at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp, or gone to seminary, or…..if I hadn’t taken that risk that day during college.

But because I have learned to be a little bit of a risk-taker, I have had some amazing blessings occur in my life. I graduated seminary even after struggling immensly with systematic theology. I remember my advisor telling my candidacy committee that it took more guts for me to stick with it. I wouldn’t have gone to work at a Bible camp for seven summers if I hadn’t taken the chance. And I wouldn’t have gotten that job if the camp director didn’t take a risk with me and hire me. I remember very vividly him saying to me, “I didn’t think you would make it but now I can’t get rid of you.” And I wouldn’t have listened to all the times God told me to take a risk…like leaving my last call to come to my new call.

I may not be the risk-taker that many others are. But what I am slowly learning is that when I, when we fully trust in God, God has a way of showing us that taking risks can and will pay off. Jesus himself is the master risk-taker. Jesus lived his life in the eyes of many who believed wholeheartedly in him and in the eyes of others who ridiculed his every move. Yet Jesus turned the world upside down, by taking his own risks, washing the feet of his disciples and sitting with tax collectors and sinners. Then ultimately, Jesus stood, arms outstretched, a crown of thorns upon his head, and breathed his last “It is FINISHED!” But he said those words knowing that God (his father) wouldn’t risk his life if he didn’t have the power to overcome death and the tomb. That my friends is exactly what happened.

There are still days that I look at Jesus’ sacrifice and wish I was more of a risk-taker. I wish that I wasn’t so afraid to be vulnerable; to share my own story. My friend Dana who I met through her blog and as part of the 31 days challenge continues to teach me about what it means to be vulnerable and to take risks even though it is SCARY! I honestly cannot put into words how much I love this woman (and we haven’t even met in real life yet!) because she reminds me that its about leaning in and trusting in this one who reminds us of the words we hear so many times in Scripture “Do not be afraid.”

You see, there is power in those four little words. Mary came to the tomb that Easter Sunday morning to see her beloved Jesus’ body. Yet when she came to the tomb, the stone was rolled away and Jesus was no longer there. Oh how risky….risky for Jesus to be raised…risky for us to believe like Mary and see that his words had come true. Jesus is no longer dead…he is alive! And because Jesus is risen…and because he is here, I find myself clinging to the promise that he will never leave me or forsake me. He will never leave YOU or forsake YOU either…..especially when we lean in and trust in him.

So my friends, as I come to the tomb and still see the tomb rolled away, I am going to try and be more of a risk-taker…a risk-taker who uses her gifts; the gifts God has given her to share his own messages of grace, love and being the master risk-taker; the one who sent his son knowing that death would not have the last word but that he would.

I am linking up with these lovely ladies today Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory, Meredith Bernard for #Woman2WomanWednesday, Kelly Balarie for the #RaRa LinkUp; and Holley Gerth for #CoffeeForYourHeart. 

 


Friends

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I just returned home from one of the first of several goodbye dinners. The gals I met up with tonight are ladies I met while doing Zumba at Curves. Since that Curves has closed, many of us have gone our seperate ways with working out etc. But last month we got together and had supper. After I shared my news about moving, they were like we definetely need to get together one last time so I proposed a time and a place.

I left my apartment at about 6:10 pm and arrived around 6:20 pm or so. When I entered into the restaurant they were like you can’t come over here yet. So I went to the bathroom and waited until they gave me the go ahead to come back. We visited and waited for a few of the other ladies to arrive too. Once everyone arrived, they handed me a card and said, “We wanted to do a little something for you.” I opened up the beautiful handmade card; only to find some cash. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t expect anything at all but this was such a beautiful gesture.

We ordered our meals and spent over an hour visiting and eating our meal. My soul was so full as I sat with them. I laughed so hard that at times my eyes were watering. I found myself taking in each and every moment of this gathering tonight. I am so thankful that my path and their paths have crossed.  I am so blessed to have these individuals in my life.

It is so incredible to me how God places people into our lives and our lives are blessed because of those relationships. I can think of so many relationships/friendships were that is true. I think of my collegues in youth ministry. I think of my friends from Camp of the Cross. I think of my friends from college, high school and seminary days. I think of those I have met through the Lutheran Academy of the Rockies. I think of so many friendships throughout the course of my life. But there are also times I wonder if I am a good friend at all. But then I experience something like I did tonight and I realize that I have made a difference…that I too have blessed someone else’s life.

So tonight I simply want to say “thank you” for being my friend; for blessing me beyond words! You are all such incredible blessings in my life and I don’t know where I would be without ALL of YOU! Thank you for loving me for who God created me to be. Thank you for showing me God’s love and grace through our friendships!

Road Maps and Traffic Signs

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If you are a faithful reader to this blog, you know that I have commiserated often about how my life isn’t where I would like it to be. At 35 years old, I am so ready to find my Mr. Right and settle down with a family. For the most part, my heart is content, yet I yearn so deeply for these things; yearn sooooo sooooo soooo DEEPLY!

Throughout my life, I have had some awesome amazing guy friends. There is my friend who is the “adopted baby brother I always wanted.” We could talk to each other about anything and everything. Then he found his dear wife who is awesome and we have kind of lost touch. Our lives are just at different points.

Several summers ago, God brought this amazing guy into my life. I deeply treasure our friendship and our conversations. He is going through a difficult time in his life and so I am doing my best to be a good friend; to support him in the midst of this trial. There is so much I would like to say to him, but I also know he is grieving in the midst of this difficult time in his life. So I have simply held back and just been a friend; a friend who listens whenever she can. I often find my mind playing mind games and wondering why God brought us into each other’s lives. I know that this is not the time or place to even think this since he is going through this difficult time. However that is often easier said than done.

Yet my heart and my head don’t and can’t understand. Why hasn’t it happened for me YET? What if I tell someone how I truly feel? What if I don’t say a word? Will I always wonder what “might have been?” What does that mean for tomorrow, for the next year, for the next 5 years, for the next 10 years? I simply wish God would give me a road map or traffic signs to when or even if these dreams will ever happen for me.

And then sometimes God doesn’t send a road map or a traffic sign, but rather a dream. And then I find myself trying to interpret what this dream means in my life. Is the dream a way of God and the Holy Spirit trying to give me that road map or traffic sign that I have been wanting and needing? I find myself praying for God to reveal to me what needs to be revealed. Yet it is hard to wait patiently and trust in God’s timing and not my own. That is the beauty of God in our lives….God always walks with us and is with us especially when we least  feel like God is there.

So for now…I will just wait…and pray for those road maps and traffic signs to come into my life….sooner rather than later!

Winding our Way through Mucky Waters

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Have you ever been canoeing on the river and even though you know which way to go, the weather or something begins to stir you in another direction? It becomes difficult to maneuver on the water when the waves or wind or  mucky water gets in our way and wants to lead us in a different direction.Yet it never seems to fail that we end up where we need to be going. There have been times in my life when I have wondered where I am going; wondered where God is leading OR why God was leading me in a certain direction? Yet God ALWAYS knows where I am headed and has never led me to the wrong place.

Going to seminary, working at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp, struggling with classes and then finally graduating from seminary, being consecrated as a Diaconal Minister in the ELCA, and even understanding my family’s own struggle with mental illness…are all times when God has led me to the right place at the right time. Now the last one hasn’t been easy for me to understand.  There are days when I truly struggle with my family members’ struggles with mental illness. Why them? Why our family? And in those moments, I have felt like I am winding my way, canoeing through mucky waters…trying to find clarity and clear water! Yet after a lot of prayer and talking with God, I have FINALLY realized the gift of sharing my own experience with others. There are so many who struggle with this illness yet so many are afraid to talk about it because there is such a stigma associated with it.

Today I came home and read an email that blessed me in more ways than I could ever think. Now I don’t think most of us would see this email as a blessing but it is…it is a blessing because it has offered me an opportunity to once again share my/our story; to help this person see they are not alone! (In fact, in seminary, I read a book that talked about “how there are so many board and care facilities for those who struggle with mental illness yet they are only a shadow in our steeple.” We need to see beyond the shadow!) When mental illness rears its ugly head, it’s hard to grasp how and why and what triggers these events but they do. There are so many wonderful doctors and hospitals who do tremendous work caring for these patients and their families. I wish I could say more but I just want those whose families daily struggle with this illness to know they are not alone. And there is definetely a light at the end of the tunnel….a light that comes in the midst of the darkness.

Several months ago a family member and I saw the movie “Silver Linings Playbook” which is all about a man who struggles with mental illness. I’ll be honest…as my family member sat next to me…I thought, “Is this going to be too much?” I found myself glancing at this person throughout the movie. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do. Perhaps protect them by walking out on the movie. We were both pulled into the movie and when it was all said and done, we both agreed it was about time…about time that Hollywood would tackle such an illness. My family member liked the movie for its honest. It was important for this person to see it but I think it was even more important for me to see it! The movie is well-written and the actors did a superb job. Please if you haven’t seen it, GO SEE IT…the movie’s storie captures so well the honesty of the illness. We need more movies like this! And after you see the movie, share it with someone else. Lets break the stigma!

For other posts about mental illness, check out these other posts:
http://prayingontheprairie.net/i-am-daughter/
http://prayingontheprairie.net/i-am-daughter-part-two/