A Safe Place

Anyone who knows me knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve? Yet there are times when I don’t always feel like that is the right time or place to wear my heart on my sleeve. However what I have come to realize is that my blog is a safe place…a safe place to lay my heart out on the table. I’m not always sure that I do that here though. My dear friend Anna who blogs over at Girl With Blog has opened my eyes to seeing my blog as that safe place. She has been so open and honest on her blog like we are standing in her backyard chatting over a white picket fence. 🙂

My purpose in blogging tonight isn’t to discredit the absolute joy several of my friends are feeling this week. Rather it is to share in that joy while also grieving that it hasn’t happened for me yet. Two of my dear friends from when I worked at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp got engaged this week. A couple weeks ago a high school classmate also got engaged. Honestly I want to share in their joy yet there is a part of me that has a hard time doing that. I think of my friends who have struggled having children and others around them aren’t struggling to have another child at all. I know it’s not the same thing but I think those feelings are probably very similar to what I feel.

As a 34 1/2 year old woman, I am so ready; so ready to settle down and have a family. Yet I also don’t want to rush into it either. I trust God will bring that person into my life when the time is right. However a lot of the time my inner three year old wants to come out; my inner three year old that wants to lay on the floor kicking and screaming because I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT! (Can you picture it now?)Now I realize that is probably childish and I in no way have ever or will ever do that. Yet I have yearned for Mr. Right, for a family, etc for as long as I can remember. So tonight I ask you my faithful readers; my on-line friends; to help support me as I continue on this journey. Grab a glass of wine or whatever your drink of choice is this evening, find yourself a snack and let’s sit back and support each other–let us wipe each other’s tears but also let us laugh and rejoice together!


Something really struck me tonight…As I was perusing my Facebook page, I found yet another friend who is engaged and got engaged in the last week or so. Now dont get me wrong, I am so 100 percent happy for them! However I still find myself yearning, wondering, and yearning some more to find my Mr. Right. Two of these friends found their spouses at seminary, I find myself asking the question “Why didnt it happen for me there?” I know that is a silly question to ask but its honest! I know that I am not the only one who wonders and yearns for this type of relationship either. I am thankful that my good friend L still is single! But why isn’t it happening for me? I know and trust in God. However at the age of 33, my biological clock continues to tick. I love spending time with children and hope to have mine someday but what if that doesn’t happen for me? I have so many friends who tell me that they are praying for someone to come into my life to bless me and I trust in their prayers and God’s promises. Yet it’s still so easy to yearn for what so many of my friends have; to yearn for that one thing that I deeply desire more than anything in the world. So today I am choosing to continue to trust, to continue to believe that it will happen at some point at point, to continue to be a blessing to others and in return hopefully to be blessed by someone else and eventually find the man God has in store for me!

And so I am going to leave you with the blessings in my life from the last several days:
+ Waking up to a little one saying “Mom, the ding ding woke me up.” I seriously was laying in my bed in the other room laughing and with a smile on my face
+ Spending time with wonderful colleagues in ministry
+ Having a member of the church leave me a beautiful message on FB
+ Playing the card game “Unpredictable”
+ A Child’s laugh
+ The return of fall and all my fave shows

What are you thankful for today?