My cup is absolutely overflowing today!!!! I think so often it is simply so easy for life to get in the way! We get so caught up in the busyness of life that we can so easily see the darkness in our midst but we have a hard time seeing the light. This weekend has been absolutely full of light for me! Yesterday with about 500 other people, I witnessed new love…and new joy at the wedding of my friend Renee. Now some of you, my blog readers, know her story but others of you may not so I’ll give a quick snippet. Renee, Renee’s husband Ben and Ben’s cousin Jon were all in Haiti in January of 2010 when the earthquake hit! They were all seperated and Ben lost his life in the rubble. Ben spent his last moments of life singing! Over the course of the past two years, Renee and Jon have found their way to each other and formed a new love! This to me is light! This is the Resurrection in our midst; here and now!
Then yesterday morning I met up with a good camp friend over Breakfast. As we were visiting, she was telling me about her foster child. She does “parent support” fostering. As many of you know, it is something I have been praying about and thinking about for a little while now! I couldnt help but smile and think about how smart the Holy Spirit is; showing me another opportunity. More light…more Resurrection in my midst here in now! Then later that afternoon, I Skyped my mom for the first time! So much fun to see the light in her as she saw me and got to talk to me at the same time! Perhaps the Resurrection in my midst yet again?!?!
This morning I went with a good friend out to the church Renee serves at. We met up with another camp friend and her family who recently moved to town. The church is on the campus of the youth correctional center. We gathered with the boys and girls who are currently staying at YCC! I couldn’t help but wonder what their stories were! While at Heart River, I got to hear a dear Diaconal sister preach (She preached a rockin’ sermon that inspired this blog today!)More signs of light….more joy….more of the Resurrection in our midst here in now!
The weekend isn’t even over yet. I will get to see college friends later this afternoon who I havent seen in forever! We are gathering for an adoption benefit for a college friend and her family who are adopting from Bulgaria! I am sure I will see more light…more joy today!
Hard not to see the Resurrection in this Easter season as I look around this weekend yet it also is so easy like the gospel story we heard from Mark last week to be afraid, to let fear creep in, to doubt, and to see the darkness. May we spend more time always looking for the Resurrection in our midst! And in the midst of seeing the Resurrection, may your cups begin to overflow with love, joy, and countless blessings!!
Christ is Risen!
Christ is Risen Indeed! Alleluia!
I have to laugh! It’s late and I should probably be in bed but instead I’m reading some new blogs and roaming around the blogosphere! One of the blogs was a blog of a former camper of mine. While I was reading her blog, I came across another blog. And of course, I was intrigued by that blog’s name (http://www.whynorthdakota.blogspot.com/) so I had to go and check it out. That blog is about a family who has done some adoption etc. And needless to say, this blog isn’t helping with my current battle between my head and my heart (See my last two blog posts!) I’m still stuck in the same place I’ve been in but am continuing to pray to God and see where God is leading me! But then again as I think about this blog and other stories I’ve heard I’m wondering if God is trying to tell me something….maybe I just need to stop and listen for awhile! Well enough about that my faithful readers. I’m off to bed!
Sarah Thomson, I blame you!
It is so addicting!
But I love it!
I love using my crockpot to make meals. And Ive been trying to be better about cooking more and not eating out so much. This site has given me some great ideas and I hope I can try at least some of them. There are way too many ideas to try them all! Living in apartment has its downfalls. In my bathroom there is no shelving or drawers just a cabinet so it was fun to look on Pinterest for new ideas/ solutions. Maybe I can make my apartment look a little more homey etc. Im excited to explore Pinterest some more!
In other news, I am such a cryer! Anyone who knows me knows that about me! Tonight I found myself crying at “Glee!” I kept thinking, geez girl, get your act together but that has always been me. I am such a romantic and love happy endings. But sometimes I also think the tears are because of unfulfilled hopes etc. I so am waiting for my Mr. Right and a family. But enough about that, life is so good. I just find myself yearning for those things.
The other day a friend texted because at her church there had been a meeting about foster care and how they really need foster parents at the moment. She said it made her think of me. If you’ve read some of my earlier posts, you know how deeply I yearn to be a mom etc so when she brought this up, it seriously made me think about the idea. Im going to have to pray about it and see where God leads me!
So I just have to laugh. Recently a colleague and I were having a conversation about my future and starting a family etc. I hadnt thought much about it but had to laugh at the things that occurred after that conversation. First, a dear friend tells me about two single friends who are pursuing their calls to motherhood….one through IVF and one through the adoption process. Then Im watching one of my favorite shows, “How I Met Your Mother,” and the whole episode is about Barney and Ted adopting together…being “bro” dads. Too funny…just made me laugh and shake my head as I thought about the conversation I had just recently had. Then another friend refreshes her blog as her, her husband, and their two boys begin their journey of adoption. On this friend’s blog, she posted the following quote about adoption. “Adoption is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage, determination, and complete dependence on a God who called you by name and sent you on a mission.” These words have been on my heart as I discern what the future may hold for me! God works in mysterious ways and I sometimes wonder if these events are God trying to tell me something. I dont know what that answer is but I am simply….Trusting in God….
Have you ever wanted something so badly? I know we all yearn and want things that we can’t have, but then there are things that I think we all yearn for that I wonder if we are meant to have. Tonight as I am typing this, I am watching the show “Private Practice.” On the show, Dr. Montgomery is trying everything she can to have a child of her own. And to be honest, I find myself in her shoes….in my own ways I am Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. I yearn so much to be a mother and feel totally called to motherhood. And I wonder if that is what is meant for my life. Last week as I watched “Grey’s Anatomy,” I also found myself also feeling like Dr. Meredith Grey. The one thing all these characters have in common is that they are trying to be mothers and that is something I yearn so deeply for. Im not sure why…perhaps its because I have an amazing mother who is the most amazing women despite living with a mental illness all her life. Perhaps its because I love babies so much or because I seem to have that motherly touch. Just a few days ago I was talking to a colleague and her grandkids and they were telling me how the baby doesnt like strangers but instead of crying the baby smiled at me!
A couple of weeks ago my colleague and I had this conversation about if I ever think about being a mom and the possibilities of that happening in today’s society even if I dont find my Mr. Right. Since that day, I have found myself really reflecting on that. And then a friend told me about two single friends who have ventured into motherhood through IVF or through adoption. And then another friend who is married and has two children already told their families news that they are planning to adopt from Bulgaria. Two of my dearest friends from seminary also have adopted. And I find myself asking, Why are people telling me these stories now? Is God trying to tell me something? Is the Holy Spirit working in my life to show me that I can be a mom someday if that is what I so desire? All I know is that whatever God is calling me too….God will walk with me on that journey!
Being a 33 year old single woman is no easy feat! I find myself constantly asking myself, and most importantly, God when it will happen for me! I wonder if I will ever get that opportunity. I understand that it may never happen and that is hard to accept and understand. I find myself asking, “Would God put this so deeply on my heart if it wasnt meant to be?” I also find myself evaluating my singleness at my job. Sometimes (not at all the time but it does happen) wonder if parents have a hard time seeing me as an authority because I havent been in their shoes before etc! And that can be frustrating! In addition, I find myself reflecting on what I can do to make it happen FASTER! I know this isnt realistic but I do sometimes catch myself thinking along those lines. I love being around babies. I truly am happy for my friends when they get engaged and start their own families. But honestly, there is a part of me who is sad too! Which leads me to a conversation I had the other day with a colleague. Now the conversation we had was about adoption. This person asked me, “If I have ever thought about adopting and being a single mom?” They proceeded to say they didnt suggest it but they also said that it is not out of the realm of possibilities. It lead to a great conversation. And to be honest, I have vaguely thought about this topic but I have thought about it. I have listed some of the pros and some of the cons! It would be no easy thing but it is something that I have been thinking more about since that conversation. It is not something I will act on in the near future………but it is something to continue to pray about etc! And after all these thoughts, I find myself simply trying to continue to cling to God’s grace and know that God is in control!
Ive been thinking a lot about something a friend said to me the other day, She said, “I dont think God would put it on your heart if it wasnt meant to be.” It just has me thinking; is that true? What about those people who are older, still single, wanted a family, and didnt get it? Did they yearn for it as deeply as I do? Just makes me wonder!
Enough about that though, this weekend has been absolutely fantastic! Last night I met up with an old college friend who I havent seen in like 10 years. So good to catch up. I also contacted another old friend who I worked at camp with and who is now living in the states again. Her and her husband are expecting their first child and where in town for a baby shower. We were hoping to get together for coffee but the weekend got busy for both of us so we are going to meet up next time she is in town. It would have been fantastic to see her but I know how crazy life can get and it gives me something to look forward too. Then I had a big grand opening show (Im taking on a new little adventure to earn some extra cash) this afternoon and was afraid no one would show. 4 pm came and it was just me and the host so I was bummed but a half hour later an old hs friend showed up and we had so much fun; cooking and catching up. They left about 7pm and my daddy who I havent spoken too in awhile called to chat earlier so I called him back and we had a nice visit. Now Im just settling in to watch the “Secret Life of Bees” on tv.
Other than that, life is grand! As a friend said the other day, “Im too blessed to be stressed.” I need to remind myself of that because I think Im just as guilty as the next person as forgetting to look at how many wonderful blessings in my life! So if you havent heard it from me lately, thank you for being a wonderful blessing in my life!