Good Evening friends! I just got back from dropping my dear friends off at the train station. It is very quiet in my house tonight. It was nice to catch up and spend time together. But now as I sit down, I am having some time to reflect on this day; Mother’s Day. This day can be so hard for so many…and I will admit today is hard for me…a woman who yearns so deeply to be a mom.
Working at a church, today can be one of the hardest days for me. I don’t think people always realize how hard this day celebrating Moms can be especially for those who have lost babies, for those whose adoptions fell through, for those who have longed to be a mom. This morning I walked into church and said “Happy Mother’s Day” to many of the woman in our congregation who are moms. I authentically meant every greeting I gave. But deep down in my heart, my heart was aching. For there are many that don’t know my entire story. They don’t realize or understand how deeply I am aching to be a mom. In many ways, bearing that part of my story is sharing a vulnerability; a nakedness with them.
Yet ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to be a mom. And yet that hasn’t come true for me yet. There are days that I wonder if God hears me. But the truth is God does hear me. A friend reminded me the other day that my desire is a God-given desire. I love that because if it is truly God-given, than in one way or another it should happen for me. And that is a promise I can cling too.
Days like today where we celebrate Mothers, I find myself celebrating all the women in my life. I think of my own mom who has daily struggled with a mental illness since I was three. Yet my mom has never let her illness get in the way of who she is. She is one of the most faith-filled women that I know and is also one of the most beautiful women to me. I hope that I can be half the woman she is!
There are so many woman who have nurtured me and been caring “mother-like” figures in my life. And for that I am so very thankful. But, my friends, I also see all of you who are hurting. And I want you to know I understand. I see the silent tears you have shed. I see you standing at the foot of your infant’s grave. I see you longing to be a mom. I see all of you…Mothers or not! For together we remind each other of what it means to mother.
So, my friends, tonight I am lifting my glass in honor of all of you! And as I raise my glass, I am saying a prayer for all of you too!
Thank you for the blessing, Tara! The blessing of your prayer and the blessing of your story and the blessing of this gift to watch and read and discover how God will give you the desires of your heart in His perfect time. Praising Him with you.
Wendy, you are so sweet! I am so glad you are blessed by my story.
I adore you so! I was praying for you – and so many who are also longing for motherhood… or feeling the loss of it… the wait for it… the unknowing of how long, Lord… and yet… you mother, my friend! Oh how you mother! I know it's not the same… I would never suggest it is, but I love how you point to others who have made a difference in your life by how they nurture and love and so often we miss seeing that in ourselves! And may I be so bold as to encourage you to share this part of your story… let others know of the longing! Who can know how many around you are experiencing that same lonely longing? Love you, friend!
Oh Karrilee, I adore you so too! Thank you for praying for me friends. And you are right. I do mother don't I? At your bold request, my post today is all about longing and being lonely. Thanks for the courage to write that post friend! Love you too!
What a beautiful reminder of how even on days of celebration, we should be mindful of those who may be hurting. Mother's Day for the past couple of years has been a difficult day for my own Mom, because her Mother is now in Heaven, and I really felt the need to pray for those who may have been hurting. Thank you for this glimpse into your day, your thoughts. Prayers that God will give you the desire of your heart, sweet one. <3
There really are so many hurting on days like Mother's Day. I am sorry the last couple of Mother's Days have been difficult for you. Thank you for the prayers. They are so greatly appreciated!
You are a mother, Tara, you DO what mothers do as you live out your life for your family (congregation). But that's probably small consolation when you wish for a babe of your own. Your vulnerability and willingness to pour out your heart will serve as a comfort to those who feel your feels and want your wants, too. It takes a brave woman to do that!
Anita, yes I guess I am a mother in that way. Thank you for reminding me that I AM BRAVE especially when I share my own vulnerability and pour out my heart here in this space.