Good Evening friends! I just got back from dropping my dear friends off at the train station. It is very quiet in my house tonight. It was nice to catch up and spend time together. But now as I sit down, I am having some time to reflect on this day; Mother’s Day. This day can be so hard for so many…and I will admit today is hard for me…a woman who yearns so deeply to be a mom.
Working at a church, today can be one of the hardest days for me. I don’t think people always realize how hard this day celebrating Moms can be especially for those who have lost babies, for those whose adoptions fell through, for those who have longed to be a mom. This morning I walked into church and said “Happy Mother’s Day” to many of the woman in our congregation who are moms. I authentically meant every greeting I gave. But deep down in my heart, my heart was aching. For there are many that don’t know my entire story. They don’t realize or understand how deeply I am aching to be a mom. In many ways, bearing that part of my story is sharing a vulnerability; a nakedness with them.
Yet ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to be a mom. And yet that hasn’t come true for me yet. There are days that I wonder if God hears me. But the truth is God does hear me. A friend reminded me the other day that my desire is a God-given desire. I love that because if it is truly God-given, than in one way or another it should happen for me. And that is a promise I can cling too.
Days like today where we celebrate Mothers, I find myself celebrating all the women in my life. I think of my own mom who has daily struggled with a mental illness since I was three. Yet my mom has never let her illness get in the way of who she is. She is one of the most faith-filled women that I know and is also one of the most beautiful women to me. I hope that I can be half the woman she is!
There are so many woman who have nurtured me and been caring “mother-like” figures in my life. And for that I am so very thankful. But, my friends, I also see all of you who are hurting. And I want you to know I understand. I see the silent tears you have shed. I see you standing at the foot of your infant’s grave. I see you longing to be a mom. I see all of you…Mothers or not! For together we remind each other of what it means to mother.
So, my friends, tonight I am lifting my glass in honor of all of you! And as I raise my glass, I am saying a prayer for all of you too!