“How long, Oh Lord, will you forget me forever? Oh how these words penetrate my heart. I so deeply yearn to be a wife and a mom, but at long last, I am still a single woman. I love my job and my life, yet there is something that I so deeply wish for. It is an area of my life where I always find myself looking for God’s grace because this is not at all how I pictured my life.
I scroll through my Facebook feed and read the news of a new birth, a new home, a new engagement, a new marriage…. I will admit that I am extremely happy for these friends and family. Yet my heart hurts so deeply. It is brokenhearted! And there is not enough chocolate to cover the pain of this ache in my heart. I want to hold my own child in my arms. I want to spend my Friday night cuddled up to someone special. But what if that is not the story God has for my life?
And if that is not the story God has for my life, I have to remember to receive God’s grace with open hands. That is not an easy pill to swallow. Yet in all truth, I know that God is finding ways to show God’s grace to me. God has a way of showing up in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected people.
Just the other day, I returned home from a weekend at a youth gathering. In my mailbox, there was bills and other junk mail, but there was also a package wrapped in brown paper packaging that caught my eye. I set the mail down and put away my clothes etc. After opening all of my mail, I finally opened my package. It was a gift from my friend Susan that she got while she was attending Allume. The gift was a book titled “Beautiful Uncertainty: Singleness, Surrender, and Stepping Out on Faith” by Mandy Hale. The book actually is an advanced reader copy. I thought I was going to have to wait for the book to come out, but Susan thought of me and sent this book and sweet note in the inside cover. Her words “I pray it speaks to your soul” are another gift of God’s grace in my life!
There are days in this single life of mine that my life is not so grace-filled at all! I question where God’s grace is in the midst of yearning and questioning if God will EVER answer the deepest desires of my heart or if I will have to surrender knowing that this is not the story God has in store for my life. I honestly don’t think God would give me these deep desires for so long if they weren’t going to be eventually answered in my life.
The single life can be so lonely. The single life can be so full of waiting and wondering. The single life can be so full of uncertainty. Yet the single life, especially when it feels like it is not so grace-filled, is more grace-filled than I can ever imagine! God has a way of showing me God’s grace through one of the hardest seasons of my life. And knowing that, I trust and wait for the gift of grace in the midst of this season of singleness in my life. Yet there are days that is so much easier said than done. No amount of chocolate or peppermint ice cream will make up for God’s grace which is always and ever enough!
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Today I am linking up with some of my favorites: Holly and Testimony Tuesday, Kelly and the RaRa Linkup, Jennifer and Tell His Story, and Holley and Coffee for Your Heart.