I went away on a wonderful continuing ed event but I started a little blog study before I left and want to finish it. I am so thankful for my friend Anna for posting about Hope for the Weary mom on her blog. Even though Im not a mama, it has blessed me too! Thanks for that Miss Anna!
Chapter Six—“Sometimes It Takes An Altar”
Of course, I have wanted to walk away…to walk away from my dream to have a family and to be a mom. But then God finds this way to remind me that I am not on this journey alone. God will not let me down! Boy aint that the truth?!?! But when I get down and start feeling Eeyorish, it’s really hard to listen to that voice of God. And thats when I need that altar…that place where I can totally feel God’s grace, peace, love, and most especially presence! For me it might be as simple as walking the aisles of Target like my friend Anna or simply spending time at my favorite place in the world;SuperAwesomeBibleCamp! I’ve knelt at the altar of God in an airport waiting at my gate for my flight. This happened in January of 2010 when my friend Renee lost her husband Ben in the Haiti earthquake. Another place that I have experienced this place is in the Rocky Mountains. There is just something so holy about the Lutheran Academy of the Rockies and being in a place where I can feel, see, and experience God’s presence. It is a place that gives me life again and again. Another place for me is the prairies of ND…hence the blog title! Where are those places for you?
Chapter Seven (The End)—“When Life Hurts Too Much”
Loss and grief is not a topic any of us like to talk about. However it is something we all experience. And most of those experiences bring us completely and utterly to our knees. My friend Anna and her husband J went through way more than anyone should go through to finally get their precious Sam! I remember grieving with all of my friends who have tried so hard to have a family and havent been able too. And then there is me, who wants so badly to have a family. I grieve being a mama! I know it may sound selfish and also maybe makes me feel a little dumb but its the truth; its my reality!
Will someone ever call me mama? Will I ever get to hold that precious infant in my arms and know love that only a mama can explain?
What I have come to realize in the midst of this study is that being a mama is hard work. Mamas grow weary yet God gives them the strength! I may grow weary waiting for my dream to come true but the truth is God gives me strength too. I just need to be patient, to trust in God who is faithful and true!(That is easier said than done most days though!)