I open Facebook and read that another friend has lost his wife. Leaving three children without their mom. This brings the total to six. Six friends/colleagues that have died since last October. Eight children without one of their two parents.
My heart aches. I’m broken, fragmented, not whole. But most of all, I want to restore my friends back to wholeness. I want to take away the pain of losing someone they love so dearly. I want the deceased to still be here with us here on Earth. The truth is I’m tired of watching friends being buried.
And as another soul dies way too young, the grief only deepens. The grief paralyzes me once again. Why, oh Lord? Why are all these vibrant souls being taken from us way too young? They all still had so much to give. I’m tired of watching my friends being buried.
Tears stream down my face. I think of all the memories we shared together. I want his daughter to know him. I want her three children to know her too. I want cancer to be cured. I want their hearts to be stronger. I don’t want death to take them. I am tired of burying my friends.
Yes, life and death are cyclical but there are so many days I’d much rather rejoice at new life than watch as death takes a friend way too young. I also find myself clinging to fear wondering who death will take next. It’s irrational because we are not too worry about tomorrow for it will bring its own worries. But again, I’m tired of burying my friends.
My heart has loved. I’ve been blessed by so many wonderful colleagues and friends. But my heart has been broken. It has mourned. It knows both the joys and sorrows of life. It yearns to be reunited with these dear beloved souls.
Im tired of burying my friends. But in due time, joy will come again! Joy will eventually turn our mourning into dancing. And our dancing will make way for more grace, more hope, and more love.
But for now, I need to dwell in this space; grieving these dear souls. I’m tired of watching my friends bodies being returned to the earth. “Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.”