Having or showing a kind and quiet nature: not harsh or violent”; “Not hard or forceful;” or “Not strong or harsh in effect or quality.” These are the definitions for “gentle” that are given in the online version of the Merriam-Webster online dictionary. As I read these words and am feeling more and more like God called me to live into this word this year, I wonder what that actually means. Now I realize we are early into this #oneword365 challenge, so I will continue to grow into my word “gentle.”
But I am finding myself just a little more aware of this word in my life. As I stated in my earlier blog post, most people would probably describe me as “gentle” but like I said I am definitely not always “gentle” with myself. That is often so much easier said than done. At 35 years old (and counting), I am and have been so ready to find my Mr. Right, to settle down, and to have a family. More often than I probably care to admit, I find myself reflecting on these things that I yearn sooo sooo deeply for in my life.
And when I think about that, I realize those are some of the times when I am definitely harsh with myself and not at all gentle. I wonder why it hasn’t happened for me yet. Am I not pretty enough? Do I not have anything to offer? And so many more questions. I realize these are not unfamiliar questions but too often I find myself in the un-gentleness with myself asking these questions. So one of my hopes and prayers as I live into this word is to find myself being gentle with myself when I do ask these questions…because I know that I am going to ask them.
Also in similar regards, I find myself being more “gentle” in regards to this here blog as well. I used to watch and wait to see who would comment on a post every time I wrote a post. For me, probably because of my own insecurities, I wondered if I truly had anything to say and if people were going to actually read it. But this first week of 2014 as I have lived into my word for the year, I find myself looking at my stats but not focusing so much on why people aren’t commented (Don’t get me wrong though I do LOVE receiving comments) or even if people are reading it. In being gentle with myself, hopefully I start to see a softness and a joy that this blog truly brings to my life.
As I continue to live into this word, I do find myself more aware of those times when I am not always so gentle with myself or those I love. If you read the earlier post, you know that sometimes I get mad at myself when I snap back at my mom or someone I love. Just the other day, I found myself getting antsy and wanting to snap back when this little voice inside my head kept echoing back the word “be gentle.”
And that is exactly what I found myself doing…being more gentle.
Thank you for walking with me as I learn to be more “gentle” with myself. Are you too living out a word this year? What is your word? How can I support you as you live out your #oneword365?