“Behold, I make all things new.”

There have been so many days this year when I’ve truly wanted to believe in these words. I scroll through social media and my heart aches for what was. I want to trust that all things are indeed working together for God’s good. Yet my heart still aches.

There is a bitter sweetness that plagues me each day. I’m excited for what is, but mourning what was. I’m delighted for a new community, but grieving friendships that were left behind. I continually find myself mourning all that was and hoping with all my might for what is now. In fact, I’m incredibly grateful for the joy and love I feel each and every day.

The church has always been a place of community; a place of healing and hope. But what happens when you are hurt in that place? There were days I struggled to worship; days were I couldn’t walk through her front doors. But the reality is the church is made up of people; people who are sinners in need of God’s grace. Annie F Downs in her book “100 Days to Brave,” writes, “Do you know why church is hard? Because of humans. So.many.humans.”

The reality is that humanity has to make hard choices. Humanity doesn’t always do what we think is the right thing. Sometimes humanity has to chose power and money over mission. And because of this truth, my heart is opening up to heal; to give forgiveness.

The truth I find myself clinging to is the hope born in Emmanuel. Through this holy child, hope springs eternal. A hope that reminds me that Jesus, in all of his humanity, experiences every sorrow, every tear, every moment of anger, every emotion.

This precious holy child who proclaims that he is the one who overcomes the darkness. “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness does not overcome it.” And this Advent, hope is brightly burning in my life. The light is shining brighter and brighter as we walk to the manger and Jesus’ birth in this world.

The everlasting light is beginning to find its way through my own darkness again.