Anyone who knows me knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve? Yet there are times when I don’t always feel like that is the right time or place to wear my heart on my sleeve. However what I have come to realize is that my blog is a safe place…a safe place to lay my heart out on the table. I’m not always sure that I do that here though. My dear friend Anna who blogs over at Girl With Blog has opened my eyes to seeing my blog as that safe place. She has been so open and honest on her blog like we are standing in her backyard chatting over a white picket fence. 🙂
My purpose in blogging tonight isn’t to discredit the absolute joy several of my friends are feeling this week. Rather it is to share in that joy while also grieving that it hasn’t happened for me yet. Two of my dear friends from when I worked at SuperAwesomeBibleCamp got engaged this week. A couple weeks ago a high school classmate also got engaged. Honestly I want to share in their joy yet there is a part of me that has a hard time doing that. I think of my friends who have struggled having children and others around them aren’t struggling to have another child at all. I know it’s not the same thing but I think those feelings are probably very similar to what I feel.
As a 34 1/2 year old woman, I am so ready; so ready to settle down and have a family. Yet I also don’t want to rush into it either. I trust God will bring that person into my life when the time is right. However a lot of the time my inner three year old wants to come out; my inner three year old that wants to lay on the floor kicking and screaming because I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT! (Can you picture it now?)Now I realize that is probably childish and I in no way have ever or will ever do that. Yet I have yearned for Mr. Right, for a family, etc for as long as I can remember. So tonight I ask you my faithful readers; my on-line friends; to help support me as I continue on this journey. Grab a glass of wine or whatever your drink of choice is this evening, find yourself a snack and let’s sit back and support each other–let us wipe each other’s tears but also let us laugh and rejoice together!